'MODI'-cum of importance!

Why on earth is the issue of Lalit Modi so important to the press and opposition? What happened to other, more relevant and pressing social and economic issues?

It is the same as why on earth was Rahul Gandhi's incognito holiday so important? Don't we have enough social and economic issues, developmental and environmental issues? Defence and Security issues?

Suddenly the sallies into Myanmar are forgotten, Pakistan is forgotten, farmer suicides are forgotten, land acquisition bill is forgotten and so on!

The Press is the bitch here. Not just Arnab, but Burkha, Rajdeep... every son and daughter of jackassess who go by the name of The Fourth 'my foot' Estate. Without them dictating the agenda, the freaking Congress does not have any legitimacy to exist. I mean, why don't we get some work done?

Presstards!

For a nation obsessed with cricket!

Or should it read "To a Nation obsessed with cricket"!. No... that would sound like a Tribute post.

Or, given the magnanimity of the situation - Sachin missing his 100th  100! - which is an even worse a tragedy to this country than the loss of Kishen to Maoists or lives of 1000s of people that get lost in Didiland due to train derailments (who anyway die in this country one way or other or would anyway die sooner or later!)  - or should I say, given the gravity of the situation? it may sound like the opening phrases of an Epitaph! Or should it read, "Against the backdrop of a nation where cricket is more fundamental to this nation..." or even better! Where a Sachin's century at Wankhede or Brabourne is more fundamental to some (who are more fundamentally Mumbaikars than Yorkshire men are more Yorkshire than the Terriers, Pugs and Pollicles) than if it came at Kotla or at Kolkata... who cares if India follows on or wipes the lead!

Btw, prayers were aplenty both in the ground as well as on tweets, sms', fb wall posts (where the country these days communicate more than in real time) that India PROBABLY MUST FOLLOW ON because SACHIN GETS ANOTHER GO AT 100TH 100! Gods Zounds and Odd and Ends! We have inexplicably and irredeemably morphed into this self-obsessed Frankeinsteins (or is it Chitti now?) who are bothered more about personal achievements and self-interests that take primacy to bigger pictures! You get the picture? There is a whole album behind this!

We have essentially come to accept the culture of coercion, exhortation and do or die philosophy! Survive or sink? And what of the meek inheriting the earth? And what of the adages that celebrate the beauty of god's creation where the best and the worst co-exist and goodness gets its validity from the existence of badness! To put things in perspective... we have lost our perspective as well as perspicacity! We are just about data, facts, statistics, cups, victories, woes, failures, suicides... This is the India FDIs are made of!

There was a time when the west came here for other things! They don't need to come here anymore because we have become one! Anyway... coming  back to where we started.... Kohli is from Delhi, playing for Bangalore and India... Ashwin is from Chennai playing for India and they are still playing to save the invaluable follow-on millions of cricket watchers pray should happen so Sachin shall score his century in Mumbai! And I just now even heard a few shouts (INDEEEEYAAAA... INDIA!) Anyway... sanity has been restored after a moment of cliched deafening silence that followed the heartbreak that Sachin's out at 94 gave! I mean... these guys are not only after runs, but are playing in a way Test Cricket is known to be played. Leaving the right balls out, pricing their wicket than the streaky 4 that can take us through the nervous 90s! You price your wicket... that's what happens when you play for your nation, to save your nation!

Oh, but what about the million voices that say, "we've anyway already won the series 2-0, who cares!" Is it alright to have won the series 2-1 at the end of the series? People from the culture of win or die, answer, please!

The Curious Case of CSK

What is happening to Chennai Super Kings at IPL 2? The question that surfaced the other day in some column or some TV channel crops up again: Is MSD a lucky captain or is MSD an anagram for MDS (read MiDaS)? Well... at least for now, looking at 1 out of 5 wins and 1 washed out game that was a certain win (against a beleagured KKR), CSK's ante looks to be up and out.

If one took a closer look at The Curious Case of CSK, there is nothing strange. History is only repeating itself, only so! Last year it was Deccan Chargers Hyderabad, this year it seems to be CSK at the moment. At the moment because, they still have 9 matches to go and if they make the semis, which is not a very BIG IF, but an IF... then anything is possible. As the prosaic and hackneyed adage goes, cricket is a funny game!

Let's get back to what the curious case is. Last year DCH was doing everything right and still ended up the bottom of the table. It was the inability to put together the extra oooomph of winning touch. The problem was that they probably possessed too many big guns.

Adam Gilchrist, Andrew Symonds, Herschelle Gibbs, Rohit Sharma... and yet they couldn't wind it up! Similar problem for CSK this time around: Matt Hayden, Andrew Flintoff, Albie Morkel, Jacob Oram, MSD, Suresh Raina... and yet! May be when you have too many big 'uns you expect one to survive if another fails. Look at KKR - it is happening. Brendon McCullum, Chris Gayle, Brad Hodge, Saurav Ganguly and there's a few more as yet unvetted! When you know your stocks are limited, supply is handled frugally. A case at point: Rajasthan Royals in IPL - 1.

What other causes? The first 6 overs. The Power Play period. Last time around Gony, Balaji, Ntini, Amarnath and Murali were delivering. This time around, Gony is looking listless to say the least, Ntini and Amarnath are only seen being interviewed in the 7 and half minute time out or playing water-boys and Balaji has had some success. Joginder 'Iceman' Sharma is busy chewing his paan somewhere between the third man and the dug-out area. There is a limit to how much a recovering Balaji can do. So Murali is your only option. Also... that IPL truly derives from its local flavour is being proved time and again. Last IPL the Indian local recruits performed better in Indian conditions. This time around... it is the South Africans, barring Graeme Smith.

Look at what happened today to Royal Challengers Bangalore. They were struggling till last night. Suddenly, they cruised to a win, even if it is over KKR and even though the score line indicates a last ball victory. The four overseas recruits RCB played in the Eleven were all South Africans. It is indeed a strange scenario why Boucher came into the side this late. Boucher coming in because Rahul is back home is no excuse not to have played a man of the former's stature. I mean, he is the finisher for South Africa. Today RCB played Kallis, Roelf v d Merwe and Mark Boucher who are South Africans and play for South Africa. Of course, their captain is Kevin Pietersen. Now, we haven't forgotten KP is a South African by birth and almost, only almost played for S.Africa and moved to England when denied opportunity. And he is the biggest buy of RCB. So, again the local flavour doing the winning contribution theory holds water!

Eventually, here is the rub: may be CSK should keep Gony out and bring Ntini in. Rest
Albie... Yes, no point resting Badri because he is a pure batsman and his only problem is the inability to clear the ropes. Someone must tell Badri that his strength lies in playing inside the park than into the stands. When he is in flow, it is such a delight what his bat does to the cherry. The groundstrokes are breathtaking and next only to Sachin, Saurav, Rahul or VVS! Barring Mohali, no Indian ground was big enough last time. Also, his range of strokes are better than Morkel who either swings it right or left giving too much stump vision for the bowler thereby making himself vulnerable to well-bowled blockhole deliveries or disguised slower 'uns. He is more of an agrarian with the bat, Albie is!

I also do not think if Ntini, Balaji, Oram and Murali can't do it, neither can Albie win the match with the ball. So, either keep Badri and rest Albie or bring in another pure batsman. Grapevine, newspapers say, is M. Vijay may play instead of Badri, which is a bad idea. Kapugadera is no great slogger or match winner even in LOI for Sri Lanka except the odd contributions. So, why is he in the team in the first place? MSD seems to be in a fix. There is so much talent and shelf back-up, this team is spoilt for choice. MSD's golden touch is also losing out. Behind the cool exterior one can feel the sweat these days. He hasn't scored enough, hasn't middled enough and his ice-man Joginder has not delivered at death. More than Midas touch or luck what had served MSD in the past is his guts to try out lesser mortal and surprise the opponents with the unknown. People are getting used to his tactics. But to give the scenario a hard look and clinical analysis, nothing is wrong with CSK, they just need to understand they are very vulnerable if they don't shove the push hard to endemic levels up the opponent's face than minimal enema they are administering now.

There is a good match coming tomorrow against Wily Shane's Royals. If MSD passes this litmus test, CSK will march the rest of the way into semis. Remember, CSK has a 0-3 record against RR, and nothing like a victory to set this record right, in the process helping themselves to winning ways with IPL-2. All is not rotten in the state of CSK, yet!

IPL 2 and the carnival...

Bakhtin would certainly have mused at the intellectual audacity of whoever named the IPL 2 a carnival. It certainly is not carnivalistic, leave alone carnival atmosphere. "SOME ONE PLEASE BRING ON THE REAL CROWD PLEASE" Will the Real Slim Shady please stand up!!!

As the IPL 2 bandwagon rolled out on stage yesterday, this was the thought that came to mind at the end of the first over. It still is not IPL. For one, surely missing were the fans, the provincial element and the parochiality of it all that makes up for the atmosphere, the din, the noise, the clash of cymbals, the fanfare, the cheer girls from our own climes... and that distinct clamour an average Indian fan brings on as he frantically gushes and blushes upon sudden recognition that he is being covered by the tv cameras and the thought that he is for that one instant the cynosure of the world cricket watchers' eyes! Oh, the lack of it all! Alas... what boots it incessant care, as Tennyson's Ulysses says! Sachin slams a delectable FOUR and the crowd sits smug. Taylor loses his stump first ball and Kohli does a brilliant run out and Uthappa runs amuck... the crowd is unmoved, Kumble does a 5 for 5... shit happens. No Fun this Safari, I tell you.

How do you expect a Natal Ninja to understand and empathise with the Chennai Super Kings chennaiite fan? Or perhaps the IPL people must have attached a local hyphenation to the Indian teams - CSK-Cape Town Comrades or RCB-Kwazulu Natal Combine etc etc...

If Lalit 'the commissioner' Modi thought - wisely too - that England would be a bad idea to host IPL 2 1) because the English are not noisy and IPL thrives on the hoopla around it and 2) the English would be saturated with cricket by the time IPL bandwagon bids farewell and T20 World Championship starts the very next day, he was right. If he thought the South Africans with a native culture and the Zulu beats would add bindhaas to the IPL 2, he surely went wrong. The local Indians couldn't match the Indians in India and the local South Africans 1) didn't have any empathy for the teams and 2) are still white skins and for that matter too confined by their Genteel roots. I won't be surprised if during the Knight Riders match SRK invades the pitch or shouts and whistles with fingers in his mouth some voice comes over the PA System "Quiet Please. Thank you, Ladies and Gentlemen!"

IPL-Moditva has got the moolahs right not the hooplas! And what-o-what-o-what has Mandira the Extraaaaaaaaa Bedi done to her hair. I couldn't recognise the midget (in comparison) next to Simon Doull on tv before the match yesterday. This IPL is sooooooooo phoney, I would like to call it Indian Phoney League. Bring on the real crowd please!

Tribute to an Unknown Soldier - Meher Baba

For most people, the name Meher Baba would conjure up images and write-ups about the Saint Meher Baba. I am certain, not so for those of my generation and before - for whom the domestic cricket meant a lot more than Test matches featuring visiting foreign teams. For me specifically, the Ranji Trophy matches as well as the Gopalan Trophy matches of the 70s hold a lot more fondness than any other form of cricket. These and the Buchi-Babus were the ones I grew up watching. And the days I hung tirelessly around Southern Railways Institute ground watching Abdul Jabbar and the Binny Ground watching Venkataraghavan bowl. Of course, the special day when my uncle came and took permission to take me out of school early so that I get to watch Sunil Gavaskar play for Mafatlal at Loyola College Grounds. Memories... memories... memories!

I remember playing my road cricket one evening in the mid-70s. I was fielding closer to the batsman, on the road. In front of me, unfurled was the Test Match Brochure I had procured while watching the India-England series that featured the feared English pace attack of Arnold, Old and Co. The page that unfurled in front of me was that of the profile of Eknath Solkar. That was how mad I was at cricket then as a little scrawny boy in the 70s. For me then, as to millions today, cricketing heroes did much more than gods in temples. Eknath Solkar was my fielding icon and Ramnath Parkar & Gundappa "Vishy" Vishwanath batting gods. Legions were my fight with friends about who's better Sunil or Vishy! Can you take it any better when I say, 14 out of 18 centuries by Vishy paved India's wins?

This post is dedicated to one such great dashing favourite of mine... who sadly, recently passed away at a not so old age of only 58, succumbing to cancer.

MEHER BABA - who played for Andhra chiefly, at a time when Andhra was like Tripura today in India's cricket map; who I incidentally had the opportunity to watch as a 9-going-10 year old boy at Salem, playing against Tamil Nadu that featured greats like Venkataraghavan, Michael Dalvi, V. Siva, V.V. Kumar (he of the legend that goes that Kumar refused to take guard in a match featuring Dennis Lillee on his run-up to bowl. I don't know how true that was considering Kumar played Test in '61 while Lillee started first class cricket in mid-60s! But this is a nostalgic bitchbyte from memory lane discussion), Satwendar Singh and T E Sreenivasan. The reason I remember this match is not just because of Meher Baba. He did nothing much in this match, although he was known for his exciting and intrepid approach to batting. It was because Venkat came two down, if my memory serves right, before T.E ! But I was too young to fathom the importance of all those then. One more thing I remember is it was a really "gone to the wire" matches which was won by 1 run or 3 runs. Who won? I forget!!! Back to Meher Baba! He played prominently for Andhra, very briefly for Hyderabad and was a regular feature for almost a decade for South Zone against both other zonal teams as well as visiting foreign teams in those days when visiting teams played a lot more practice matches with domestic teams to get themselves acclimatised than like now!

In my cricketing memory, Meher Baba would always be remembered for his dashing and fearless left-handed batting much more to be identified always with either Tamilnadu or Sri Lankan cricketers (has there been any county or nation that has produced so many left-handed dashers compared to these two, I really wonder. Of course, New Zealand comes close in the south-paw department, but not quite there!). I have not much seen him play, but read a lot about and heard commentaries of - at times when the golden voices of Suresh Saraiya (who is still commentating, even now during the on-going Down Under series) and Anand Setelvad dominated the radio and radio was our staple diet and main source of live cricket! I visited cricinfo to get some stats about Meher Baba and this is the link, if you want to get there: http://content-ind.cricinfo.com/india/content/player/31312.html

People who have watched Baba in action please fill me in. Or anything about 70s Ranji Cricket! May his soul RIP!

Anil's Last Stand... IMPOSSICANT!

Or is it BCCI's temporary stance?

The other day - a week or so back - my father and I were on another of our afternoon, post-lunch discussion about one of the three inevitables of our desh: cricket. And he did opine that if anyone must be made captain of Indian test team, it must be Anil Kumble. The logic: well, he's had a long, faithful and earnest career, the only blemishes being those overstays in the middle with his bat when team-thinktanks had delusions that he can bat in the slog overs and a lot of hot air capable of inflating zeppelins into high-altitude places flowed between his misses and the keeper's gloves. The only thing he hasn't had is captaincy. Inwardly I cursed my father: 'why do we need to heap that insult on Indian cricket's only true sportsman and on-field player?' Of course, BCCI must have heard my father's wish and not my un-wish. Anil today is the captain.

Now of course, when every dog has his day and unrequired comebacks or retentions in the team inspite of sustained and consistent non-performances, why not Anil! He has even scored that enviable comedy of a century that put the smiles back on a dressing room full of gloom in England recently. He has batted, bowled, fielded off fours and taken catches. As Kris Srikant recently told in his own inimitable idiotic way on Times Now late-night immediate reaction to Anil Kumble being made captain of Indian Test Team, he's a South Indian and even a qualified engineer (meaning he's got a degree...)!

And our - my father and mine - discussion proved meaningful in the aftermath. But... to what end? Being captain of Karnataka as well as now of India has only been by default. Has he deserved it? I mean, these days, being captain of a team in India is not earning accolades. It means an insult. The clowns who run the richest and most sinful organisation in the world pick someone only because someone else is not ready. Anil Kumble is the clown king till the crown prince gets ready. Anil deserved it much before. Of course, the stoic soldier he is, he will strive his best, without as much as a monosyllabic ayes or nahs.

But, my heart bleeds for him.

Rahul's Last Stand

While people unaware of the title's significance should not mistake this as Dravid's 'perhaps' final stand in the company of a quick scoring Ganguly in India's second innings at The Oval, others who are aware of the undertone reference to Gen James Custer's Last Stand must realise there is an inversion of application involved here. The historical Custer took a stand against the Indians and wiped them out in an American version of Jallianwallah Bagh. Rahul the Indian (East, though) took his brave stand to wipe out the Whites (represented by English) in the recently concluded Test Series, thus bridging a relative history apparent only to crazies like me! Another metaphorical post-colonial piece of sorts! But, let's to cricket...

A lot of hue and cry - as the cliche goes - went into the making of an Indian second innings declaration at The Oval recently during the 3rd n-Power Pataudi Trophy India-England Test Series. Dravid was severally accused uniformly about an erroneous declaration tactic: it came late; later than it must have been; in the first place, he must have had the English to follow-on; an act of cowardice, etc etc.

Chandu Borde - the naam ka waste Manager cum Coach of sorts - was quick to the cover up at the press conference at the end of day 4, where England went back to the Pavilion and to nightly hibernation at 56 for no loss of wicket, secure in the feeling, at the worst, they can't lose this series. The English perhaps believe in the dictum of saving the battle even if the war is lost. Ah! that English sense of Honour and Pyrrhic victory!! Anyway, Mr. Borde quickly refuted the criticisms and allegations and accusation levelled at Dravid's decision saying the team was only ensuring that absolute no-loss situation first before anything else.

I wondered for a moment! If the same decision had been taken by a Mark Taylor or Mike Atherton or Nasser Hussain or even Ricky Ponting, how the Western media and pundits of the game would have applied plaudits that defy all logic and common sense in the name of sportsmanship and in accordance of bravery in the confines of the laws and the spirit of the game once played by the several Sirs Play a Lots of English and Aussie shores. Bah! Humbug! Nonsense and Crap! If Taylor does it, it is sporting declaration. If Dravid does it, unanimous cudgelling. The shrinking hypocrisy of it. But what else to expect, it is an Englishman's game!

The point is this. Even the fecking Indian press, especially the Indian television news channels that shamelessly have been tirelessly working proudly as foreign channel tie-ups, were bent on blackening Dravid and squeezing every bit of public sentiment and hysteria to defame Dravid, not in the interests of the game they seek to preserve through the several well-intended (or so we must believe) debates and big fights they initiate in special 1 hour slots everytime India takes a bashing. (It is another matter that if India does not get a bashing elsewhere, they will concoct one). Actually, it was a very brilliant tactical work by Rahul Dravid. The backdrop is this: no-one has successfully chased large scores at The Oval; the fifth day is infamous for its spin assistance, according to the pundits as well as the retro-statisticians of the game. And there was the risk that England, after the realisation that if they applied themselves a bit more (and some timely assistance and bursary from the umpires), they can emulate India's first essay big score, thus bat for two full days and save the test. Now, looking at how they played and almost scored 400 runs without losing out wickets much, they could have, had Dravid taken the chance to impose follow-on. What if they had scored 600 playing out a whole lot and Panesar & Anderson came back (with assistance from umpires of course) to bundle India out in the second innings. We have crumbled before. The chances of India crumbling on the 5th day to the swing and life of Anderson and Tremlett as well as spin of Panesar must have come into Rahul Dravid and the other think-tanks' calculation. And thus, it is a very wise decision to let India bat inspite of the temptation of imposing follow-on to attempt an innings win... or a 100+ target chase in the fourth innings. Also, with Zaheer nursing a leg-strain and Sreesanth not being able to find his rhythm, it was the best decision a captain would have taken. So stop taking about it, whiners and whingers of Indian cricket.

It was an absolutely wise Last Stand the Indian took against the Whites and ensured an Indian victory.

Shit-agone at Mirpur

Requiem to the series that happened

Now that the plaudits have spoken and the pundits have been puzzled as to how on God's own strip of land (that was more caked and parched and scarred than a hapless yeoman skinned by a heartless zamindar in those feudal movies of yore) did India managed to score 610 in under two days and skittle Deshis out twice for a little above half that score, it is time to take a per-chance. Because: what has happened to India is a happened circumstance, a happenstance. Zak's eight wicket haul is sheer happenstance, the record-making top-four batsmen scoring hundreds is sheer happenstance. What were not circumstantial were Tendulkar's 37th Ton and Kumble's 5 wkt test haul as was VVS's ignominy.

Tendulkar at one point did a Sunny Gavaskar. Took a catch without breaking a sweat, looked around impishly, pocketed the ball. Only, he was not standing in the slips as Sunny used to. It showed how relaxed Sachin was. He was enjoying his game after such a loooong time. Not because he had scored a ton in both tests, but he has proved his point: I can continue to **** around with Indian cricket as long as I like, I have the credentials and the claims for I have toiled too long for it. At no point did Sachin look dominating throughout this series. He did not need to. But scratch the surface, he was dominating. What is dominating but being in control of the proceedings? Is it necessary that it must be lethal or vociferous like Lara or Ponting or Gilchrist or Symonds do? Not for a higher mortal such as Sachin. His record of 37 may become 42... or 45... and he may retire as did people before him. His record may be surpassed by Ponting and in turn and in turn... But that is only the law of nature. The point of the post is this: The 7th best team in the world beat the 11th best team in the world. And in the middle of all this, Antonio Salieri's "Mediorcity all over the world, I bow to you" rung clear. Only one man managed to mock and rise above all these - Mashrafe Bin Mortaza. Sad, he had to be on the losing side. One man got lucky for once, justifying all his hardships and as many comebacks as Jimmy Amarnath has done - Zaheer "Zak" Khan.

Let us quickly go backwards to the Chittagong test. See what happened. How frustrating it is to be Zaheer? I do not for a moment claim that he is the fittest cricketer or super fielder. If may I say so from observed newspaper and internet sports site reports, there is no second slouch than Zaheer behind Saurav Ganguly this side of Inzamam (and I still admire all these 3 men). But let's not take the talent and class away. And Dravid all but undid it in the First Test against B-desh at Chittagong.

Dravid may be a dependable bat, but a very non-aggressive and unimaginative captain as well as a post-match speaker. Sometimes he just lets things drift more than necessary. Does he wait for creative spark to alight on him on these occasions? What Ponting or Smith would have done in the situation India found itself while bowling at 149 - 8? (or for that matter at 11-4 that nearly was 11 - 6 but for two greased catches by Dravid and Karthik in the Bangladeshi first innings of the second test). How I missed the presence of Wasim Akram the Captain or Waqar Younis the tail-wiper! Total aggro was the need of the hour.

The first test had already seen bad batting displays, inspite of centuries, by both Sachin and Saurav (the same was also said in the media and we saw it too, during Sachin's second test century. But for Dhoni's pyrotechnics and Mortaza & Ashraful's heroics, the overall batting in the second test was insipid to say the least!); tactless scoring by Indian later order to reduce a healthy 295 - 3 at the end of Day 1 to 387 - 8 by noon of Day 4! But what beats this is the bowling... or perhaps the fielding display.

149 - 8 was Bangladesh. Mashrafe Mortaza - a decent bat with lot of determination, pride, gumption and self-esteem - pushes the score to 170 in the company of Shahadat Hossain, who's not even a decent agrarian cricketer in the first place.

If India did not go on to win a match at a canter and by an innings, the blame for that must squarely be shared between an inept captain and a not-more-than-average Mumbai spinner. I really do not understand why Ramesh Powar must be in the team. Forget the wickets he took in the Bangladeshi second innings. I could have taken wickets on that pitch with more cracks than a discarded piss-pot! He's got one talent. To hold the ball in mid-air, defying gravity. Other than that, nothing else. In comparison, I just loved the way Shakid Al Hasan bowled in both the tests. Here's a man who's gonna grow in stature as he plays more, but more of him elsewhere. Ramesh Powar!

Ramesh Powar: highly inept as a spin bowler (from a land with a huge tradition of spinners behind him) and no better or worse (thankfully) than any other currently playing spinner for India, he's not agile nor is there any remorse in him when he misses a four or greases a catch or is whacked around the ground. I wonder how he's turned those so many Ranji matches for Mumbai. That speaks for the standard of Ranji games. Powar, at the end of First Test at Chittagong against B-desh, has come to symbolise the spineless, gutless, thoughtless, unimaginative and mechanised display Indian cricket has come to represent. Else how do you explain the ineptness of letting Mortaza and Shahadat score that 70+ partnershi to take their team beyond follow-on and past 200 after having been reduced themselves to 149 - 8?

It was disgusting to see Powar not being able to hold on to a regulation dive. Perhaps not as bad as when Dinesh Karthik came witlessly in the way of Dravid in 3rd Slip at 11-4 (2nd Test). But then, Karthik had done his work as a batsman. Poor Zaheer!!! How much harder must he try? How many comebacks has he to make to prove himself? Letting a 9th wicket partnership that is not worth more than a double figure under normal circumstances, to beyond 50 runs is something for which the entire Indian team must be shoot. Even after seeing Mortaza play short balls without though or plan, so predeterminedly, Dravid the Wall did nothing. The Wall's immovability for once was more a liability than an asset.

In a matter of minutes B-desh raced from 170 - 8 to 200 and beyond. Within the space of 10 balls the Indians bowled it had happened. After a mindless R.P.Singh over in which two fours were conceded, that was to become a pointer for things to come, Zak was brought on. His first ball was a regulation dive catch from Mashrafe to Powar. Dropped. Then followed a Shahadat blinder to the slips. Nobody to blame. A typical flailing shot that fetched a reprieve and a four. And still the captain does nothing for the next THREE overs. And then it had to be Sachin "Man Friday" Tendulkar to show how to take breakthrough wickets. And why would Sachin not laugh? Not that it changed history or the fate of the series that was a foregone conclusion before India left its borders to Bangladesh.

The win would not probably have enhanced India's claim to the top of test cricketing world, but it definitely would have made a difference to the Second Test, had things not happened the way they happened after Habibul Bashar made the mistake of reading the pitch wrong. Especially after the weathermen had predicted two out of five days of rain! It was a lucky thing in the end that Habibul Bashar was not in form both with the bat as well as with his cap.

Woe begone. Ravi Shastri was as lucky as an interim coach as he was during that watershed series when Kris Srikant was captain, referred to in an earlier post on Wright, Greg and Whatmore. Let's see how we fare in England. Welcome Dav!

Wright, Greg.... What more in store?

News: Dav Whatmore top contender for India's new cricket coach
Reality Byte: There is no one else in the fray!
Hypothesis: By this time all probable foreign coaches have decided it is not worth being the coach of a country of losers who believe in politics, corruption and dishonesty... and of course money, money, money!!!

I have always felt, to be a coach who can survive successfully in Indian scenario, you have to be a politician more than a capable cricket administrator on and off field: you have to be a political and on-field tactician who can shove the crowbar suavely. To shove the crowbar is an act (not art) any Indian can do. But to be suave and diplomatic about it - we have to look upto a White foreigner.

England disqualifies itself, having not been able to set its own house in order. Australians used to look down upon even playing India that for a while we never played them enough or were never accorded the same amount of grudging respect they accord to West Indies even today and in these times of bad times for the latter's cricket. They did not realise that a monetarily successful stint to ensure an out-of-cricket, retired life is what a coach should look for and that India with its cricket-obsession could afford that. It took a Kiwi - an average cricketer with soft-talk PR skills, white skin and strategy as well as a cricketing brain presumed by most to be more than average - to show the Aussies where the mother lode in cricket lies; how much money can be made with a little more than mediocre output. Not just India, but the sub-continent in general.

Given the Indian think-tank's rightful aversion for Indian coaches (the logic I would presume being who to select and who not to hurt!... so shop elsewhere), also, at that point the craze all round being to have an outsider for a coach (be it soccer, hockey, volleyball... be it Brazil, England, Pakistan...), Wright became by default the right man. But he soon became, as inevitability would suggest, Mr. Wrong.

Soon came the Testament according to Greg. If Sourav was Wright's downfall, Sachin became Chappell's Waterloo. Now, Tom apparently being a demanding, lay it down ('eat it or I'll cram it down your throat!'), tough West Australian Moody person, we have to look at a man who for the better part of his on-field cricketing career was part of the Aussie touring 15 more because there was no better 15th person. Actually if you look at the scenario, most Aussies on the bench are uncapped and raw but highly touted talent. When it comes down to resting the regulars to give the bench a shot in an inconsequential B&H, it shows in just about average light. The reason it looks remarkable or has looked remarkable is because all other cricketing nations are even worse. We saw what happened without Warne, Lee and McGrath a bit before WC. And during WC, although Shaun Tait took wickets he was very expensive, bettered only by Dilhara in that department. Come to accept it... Brad Hogg is not in the league of spinners as Warne or MacGill. He's just an average hard-working Aussie like Damien Fleming was, Jason Gillespie was, Simon O'Donnell was, like many was-es... So, back to our Coach-to-be... Basically here is a man who may succeed where Greg didn't and Wright reasonably did. Why? he's been the last decade or so anchoring his little dinghy of coaching skills in the sub-continent. From Sri Lanka to Bangladesh and now where more Dave?

Dav Whatmore (to be pronounced Dave but according TIMES NOW as Daav, perhaps to rhyme with Pau) has to ask himself if it is even worth it! He's been sallying forth from a smaller (hence less corrupt) island nation to a smaller beak-point of the subcontinent that has probably seen more floods than Cherrapunji receives rainfall and famines than Sub-Sahara gets drought. He should draw a lesson from the Late Woolmer's book (not the one the latter was to have brought out before he became late like a cold latte) before he becomes if not Bob-bed at least Chappall-ed. The same simple theory that politically works for Island nations such as Sri Lanka or Singapore is relevant to their cricket and sports too. By the sheer size of the country and the administrative network and hence the several divisonal, state, regional and zonal wranglings, it is hazardous to be an Indian coach. The pitfalls are too many that no amount of monetary incentive is worth one's self-esteem.

The biggest joke of'em all is that he is going to be monitored by another dime-a-dozen all-rounder (of the nuts and bolts variety) whose ODI strike-rate average is only better than Sunil Gavaskar's 36 not out of 60 overs on that fateful WC match in the 70s. This man is like many an Indian cricketers who were touted brilliant personified during their heydays - like Jadeja and even Azharuddin. One look at their strike-rates you can tell they wouldn't make the 30 probables for pre-tour camp today. These people were the ones who would slow down the match intensity with their limited and dour skills and play ODIs like 5-day matches, who brought glory to the rotate-the-strike if you can't strike theory, because they can't really accelerate when it matters. And these people go on television morning shows and talk about Viru not being consistent or Dinesh Mongia not slogging or Raina not pushing the consistency levels. Of course now, the Monitor in question is, granted, a shrewd and cerebral survivor who saved his skin with a timely century in his last innings on that memorable tour to Pakistan under Kris Srikanth's captaincy. Actually the team achieved pretty crucial cookie points on the tour, but the captain got axed because he is plain-talking mercurial player whose talk was unfortunately not backed by willow-wield. Anyway, quite a few skeletons fell off the cupboard and our cerebral Monitor escaped, being a survivor Mumbaikar and has gone on to more pitch report and post-match pre-award announcements filled with successful platitudes borrowed from all over the world. May be Whatmore only deserves someone of his ilk, of his same quality. Average meets average in the context of an average cricket-playing country whose cricketing ability is being over-valued by the cricket-frenzy mob, which has above-average delusions that their cricketing heroes are supermen and übermenschen; and of course, super-abundant myopia for what makes Australia a champion side it is. By hiring a Roman you cannot build a Colleseum. May be not even make a pizza!

I do understand that to be a successful coach one need not have been a successful cricketer. But come, come... you can't all become John Buchanans. Even he had to take a lot of flak from time to time. The fact of the matter is this: whether it is cricket or soccer or hockey, coaches don't take the field. When it comes to dealing with on-field issues, the playing 11 must give it all. Classic example was Gillie's 149 in the WC-2007 Finals. To pull that last bit of 'hmmph' from your resources deep within is what winners are made of.

Foreign coaches must shirk away from Indian moolah and let Indian cricket either stew in its own fire or rise like the proverbial phoenix and reassert its delusive superior abilities. A few individual knocks to be recalled in times of gloom to lift the spirit is a thing of past. Indian cricket has forgotten the idiom that winning is a habit cultivated through self-motivation, overwhelming ambition & burning desire to assert one's belief in walking out with head held up in pride. McGrath coming back from injury to walk proud into the sunset will be remembered more than as an example. Those are stuff lores and legends are made of! To take a leaf out of Sidhuism, "You can't buy success off the rack".

Everyone keeps saying the hackneyed television monotone "Crucial time for Indian cricket". We've been saying this since 1987. Only the loudness of the byte has gone up. Two decades of crucial time is ICCCCCCU and BCCCCCCI must hang up its boot by probably outsourcing the BCCI to some Australian sports management company or American NBA panel of think-tanks. Add to it, these billionaire cricketers are squabbling over payments and salaries with their Board. The fact that 'There aren't many in the fray for Indian coach's job' shows the level of interest shown by foreigners towards Indian cricket's prestigious job. Whatmore must be mad. And, I think the Indian Cricket Union (if there be one) deserves a Euthanasia rather than ICU treatement before it slides down in rankings below Ireland and Scotland.

I am frustrated everytime this topic comes up. What more, yaar?

L'Affair Sourav and the Frog Dance Man

After watching the natak and the tamasha of the last month over first the ouster of Jaggi Dalmiya, second the ascendency of Sharad Pawar, third almost Kreon-like usurption of chairmanship by Kiran More, fourth the carefully orchestrated press conferences opened with unseeming regularity, akin to the Minardis coming out for early qualifying in Formula-1, by Niranjan Shah followed by the Medea-like pronouncements of Kiran More, fifth the ease with which Greg Chappell slipping into the Chanakya-seat of politics left vacant by John Wright, am not amused, bemused, surprised and shocked (not necessarily in that order) at the treatment meted out to Sourav 'Dada' Ganguly.

Let me throw in my bit of contribution to the nostalgic singing of the halcyon days of The Prince of Bengal and the apocalypse that he did not forsee, coming from the Frog Prince of 1992 World Cup Kiran More. In fact, I am a bit let down, if at all, by Sourav for not forseeing things of the future. The pedigreed man that he is, Ganguly must have actually dealt the Coup de Grace by refuting the offer in the team in the first place, after having just the other day proved he is a match-winning bowler, then going on to score the hundred and then showing he still is the unofficial King Arthur of Indian Captaincy. Let tongues wag that Sourav's record as the most successful Indian Captain hides behind the fact that he won against meeker teams; let tails sprite themselves up in air that his centuries and big scores have come against weaker teams. Still, why didn't the others score. Why did no other captain succeed where he did? The same was said of Azhar. Sometimes I think Sachin is a better politician or at least a diplomat. He is adept at the art of projecting himself as a sentimental victim worthy to empthaise with. Poor Sourav was the faithful Kumbhakarna to Ravan Dalmiya while Sachin is the eternally smart low-key Vibhishina who takes refuge with the alternate power-brokers. Of course, he has resurrected himself as the virtuous Ram who tugs at the heart-strings of every mother and mother's son of Bharath. Let's not get sidetracked in sentiments or extended metaphors. The fact of the matter is, from the 1992 Frog Dance days to the 2005 Chairmanship time, More has carefully moved from chiaroscuros and bas reliefs to digitised anime. He has rightfully served reminder of his street-fighting doughtiness that was evidenced first against Javed Miandad on 4th March 1992 when India met Pakistan for the first time in a World Cup match in Australia. Of course, Javed and Imran's tigers had the last laugh by lifting the coveted trophy.

Again, to get some facts right. 1989... India-Pakistan series in Pakistan. First ODI, Pak beats India in a curtailed match. ODI 2 washed out. ODI 3 washed out, ODI 4 Pak wins the series 2-0. And three people made their debuts then. Very forgettable. A young Tendulkar and not too old Salil Ankola and Vivek Razdan. Of course, after a banging 5-wkt haul test debut, Razdan faded and Ankola hung around for a while in and out thanks to his Sonu Nigam looks. I don't find much difference between a singer who looks good and wants to act and a cricketer who looks good and wants to bowl. And what of the eternal pet Ajit Agarkar. Where does he hail from, dearie? But what we are missing here is... the Mumbai factor never ceased its continuum in Indian cricket. Only by a steady progression it has become a Maharashtrian factor, thanks to the Rashtriya passion - the Sena - Rashtriya - Bhartiya combine that brought back Maharashtra and Mumbai back in contention in the national scheme of things when their cricketing roots slept for a while. It has been a while any serious cricketer of repute has come from that part of the world. And to think that not only have Tamilnadu been meted out bad treatment at the national level of selection, but also Delhi has carefully been kept at bay. Of course, Tamilnadu is anyway on the Bay... and they have to carefully deal with Delhi, being the centre that can hold. One look at the Delhi-Mumbai encounters can tell you the story as much as Mumbai-TN duels, which comparatively are far and few. We have anyway our own TN-Karnataka skirmishes to deal with. So Razdan went out. Coincidentally, Vivek grew up with the MRF Pace Foundation in TN and studied at Guru Nanak College before graduating to play for India Pistons in the TNCA First Division League. So... too many connections that only make logical his dumping. Of course, all these had nothing to play in his non-playing. But back to More and more Maharashtra...

This man More says Sourav was chosen for his all-round ability. Then why forego a bowler. And a lot of people know that Kaif is more a test-temperament cricketer than Yuvraj (which incidentally is Prince in the Indian language, though not of Kolkatta). And if the logic is Sourav played well, but we are looking to fill the opener slot and we don't want Sourav at No 6 because we have another Prince now, why not put him up the order? Oh! What will the world think if we put him as opener and drop Gambhir out of the 15 and Sourav out of the 11? After all, Sourav was India's captain, he is a seasoned-campaigner who cannot be put on reserve, but Gautam is just new to the game of dumping, he won't mind being thrown about! And what of Wasim Jaffer? Oh, he has scored tons of runs in the Ranji with an average of 89. So? You remember Raman Lamba, Bhaskar Pillai, Robin Singh... the list of people scoring tens of hundres of runs in a Ranji season is endless given the fact that the Mumbais and the Delhiites play in a weak section of the draw filled in numbers with Vidharba and Sourashtra or Himachal Pradesh and J&K. And after all, to refresh the memories of that eventful 1989 Indo-Pak series where Tendla made his debut, one Mr. Ajay Jadeja opened the innings and with unfailing consistency scored at 45% strike rate in the ODIs. If Gambhir gets out playing across the line early and Wasim Jafer than was dumped out because of his half-cocked batting style, how bad can Sourav the man who has scored the 4th highest aggregate in both forms of cricket be? And today because Jafer has lot of runs behind him the last two seasons, he is good eh? Then put Yere Goud in the middle order. He has been the hub of Railways' Ranji campaign the last 3 seasons successfully. Nope. Wasim Jafer, Sachin Tendulkar and Ajit Agarkar are from Mumbai, Sharad Pawar is Mumbai and More is Maharashtra...

Wow! Wah Huzoor More-ji... Then why bring Sourav back at all? There is a lot of lip-service in this deal. And let us not forget where Gautham Gambhir hails from nor which zone and state he plays for. But then, it is only logical. Virendar comes from thereabouts too! So how can there by more representations when these days, in the name of rota and allocation and quota and reservation and roulette, even huge international teams like Australia and S.Africa and England end up playing in Bikaner and Agartala and Kohima! Oh that? It is the Calibans getting back at Prosperos of the world. Post-colonialism Cricket. Lagaan-ing. Englishmen? How else can we beat them if we don't play their warm-up matches in areas that could warm the cockles of their intestines with bad food and cockroach rooms and bumpy roads? You see, Indians, am proud to say (because am bored with the cliche "I am ashamed to say"!), have low self-esteem, lower diplomacy, high sycophancy, higher lack of self-belief to go out and shoot straight.

A Little Digression. Have you noticed the planning Aussies do with their schedule? Very smart. Every series starts with a couple of diplomacy matches where they let couple of their sharp-shooters (on-field of course!) humiliate the visiting team before the latter gets acclimatised, then demoralise them with Pigeon-ing and Punt-ing (aka sledging with the help of Fourth Estate) and then play a couple of tests (where they really fight aggressively) and put some key players on either psychological or physical injury list. And then disrupt the Test match frame of mind and rhythm with an intrusive and tough-ball B&H Series... then get back to continue the Test Matches. They of course have such a depth of bench that they have different players for two different types of games, if required. Why won't they win with such careful orchestration and planning. Battles are won in the mind. And that is what brings us back to L'Affaire Sourav.

Sourav Ganguly brought back a team in disarray, a board in Macbethian shame of match-fixing thanks to the Three Witches (aka Cronje, Azhar and that bookie whose name I forget), a country desolate in the habit of sinking to the level of the lowest opposition. Let it be said that he established for India an unenviable record of losing the Finals of ODI serii! Don't matter. He created what you proudly today claim Team India, Sahara Parivar, the Pepsi Men in Blue, the Huddle-Bubble Hindustani spirit that Rahul "Agent Smith-look" Dravid has taken over. Of course, I have nothing against poor Rahul. But it is all Olympian... the plans. There is always a pattern to the destinies and cross-destinies in the Greek Mythology. From Zeus to Seuss, they are all macabre people. It used to be Dalmiya and Ganguly, it is now More and someone else... It used to be Wright and now it is Greg. Under Ganguly it used to be the Shiv Sundar Dases, Deep Das Guptas, Saba Karims... it is now the Gambhirs and Yuvrajs and JP Yadavs... All this points to one thing. We love to play our cricket off the field. After all, cricket these days is a mind-game. Ask John Buchanan, Bob Woolmer, Tom Moody... and then again ask also the Laxmans and Dinesh Kaarthicks and Venugopala Raos and the Badanis... Isn't this the land that made Shatranj ki Khiladi! And chess is politics (you ask the Russians about it!), politics is Congress, Sharad Pawar is (or was?) Congress... the next of kin to the Raj... but there is 'more' to this than meets the eye. Don't be surprised there is a little more at the ICC Meetings at Lords sooner than later. The true Macbeth is out there. A little medium at large. Beware the ides of March, for it all became apparent on that eventful day - 4th March and the juggernaut rolls, nought-ing even the jaggis of Indian cricket.